Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
