would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
