Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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