sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
