You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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