Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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