Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
