textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
