Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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