There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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