I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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