Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
