Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
