Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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