Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
