she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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