So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
