at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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