My hand turned me down
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
