Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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