i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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