he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
