dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
