census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
