There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
