did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's great music for shaving your balls
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
