he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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