He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
