mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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