You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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