Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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