You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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