I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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