hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
