After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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