I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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