i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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