Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
