Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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