just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
