dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
