Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
