I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why do cheetos always look like penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
