More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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