If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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