Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
