is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
