Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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