Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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