Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
