look no pants
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
