You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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