I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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