oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
