dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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