2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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