if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
