I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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