When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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