At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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