She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize