just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
