Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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