I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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