suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She bit a glass in half.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
