Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
