Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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