girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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