I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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