fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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