I puked a lego.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
